Baby Roh,

We were praying for you for months. You came at the most unexpected time, after just receiving our first bit of positive news in well over a year. From the moment your father and I found out about you, we decided to call you “baby”, in hopes that soon you’d grow into a strong one. That’s exactly what you did.

You gave me a lot more trouble than your sibling did, as three-hour naps became a necessity and I’d kill just about anyone for some blueberry yogurt. From the beginning, my bloodwork came back great (doubling) which meant you were growing right on target, a relief. We got to enjoy and spend a little more time with you this time before the bad news struck.

When it was time to go to the hospital to see you via ultrasound, I was much more hopeful than the first time. When it began, I knew right away what was going on once they called in the head radiologist. There you were, growing right on target, but an inch too short. Just. One. Inch.

I knew once again that I couldn’t protect you. All the organic vegetables, EMF-blocking shapewear, and low caffeinated beverages did no good. That’s the hardest part about this whole thing, I couldn’t do the one thing that God put me on this earth to do for you. I snuck some images of you on the ultrasound screen before they rushed me off to the ER, something that I will cherish forever.

The resident working my case provided us with some sad but comforting news. Surgery was the best option at the time because you had a strong heartbeat. This news absolutely shattered my soul but brought me immense comfort at the same time.

When the surgeon finally got in there, you had already grown so big that you caused some internal bleeding. I am so sorry that we couldn’t save you. I’m sorry your life was cut short. It gives me a little peace knowing you have a sibling up there to greet you. The only thing I have left of you is a picture and a four-inch c-section scar.

Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We can’t wait to hold you in my arms some day.

Watch over us, my angels.